Forbidden Fall

What is forbidden carries a strange uncanny attraction, similar to the sacred.

But what is shamed or propagandized like pornography

Is silenced and superimposed with falsehoods.

But what is forbidden (by society) about me is what makes me feel most alive and most myself.

There are moments when I embrace, or fall into, my forbidden part of me

And these are moments I cannot share fully with anybody who was not involved, and it usually occurs

among strangers (part of the forbidden-ness of it),

Because they involve elements that are ineffable

And because they involve people I would not want to incriminate

And because the best parts of these moments- the risk and the elation and the danger, are best unsaid

and just done and felt in the moment.

A psychiatrist or therapist might look at these moments and analyze them as “manic symptoms”

So I don’t share them with them either.

What is forbidden to others, is really just mine to experience and make me happy to be alive.