The Repercussions and Results

I miss the initial feeling of mania

That ride on jumpy and exciting waves of confidence

That pull you along and buoy you up

So you can do anything

And fuck anyone

And be anyone

While still you are yourself

And express all of it grandly

And feel overwhelmed and overcome by the beauty of everything and myself

And can understand anything and everyone (even different languages and what people don’t say but

only think)

And feel magic like I can control the weather and balance of my environment

Until the tide drags you along

Into ditches created in your mind of rotten initially vague ideas

That become obsessions and destructions of their own

That can compel you to do crazy and strange and violent actions

As well as fun and anything to continue, and heighten the high

Until you can’t handle the high

And I’m blocking everything out and grounding all parts of my body and not breathing in order to gain a

moment of stillness

And those ditches in your mind don’t just go away

They’re rutted in there deep

Because of the strength and extremity of your beliefs and feelings at that time

And you’re left to slowly try and dig new paths and yet never erase the old ones.

Just hope the new ones become deeper and more sturdy

I don’t know yet if they ever get quite so quick-sand-like

__Creativity is more consistent in a non-manic mind__